Welcome to the top of the pyramid…
Self Actualisation.
With a world full of opportunities for personal growth, this one should be easy right?
When we talk about reaching our highest potential, it's easy to think about what we can achieve out there in the world. The career we build, the talents we develop, the things we create, or perhaps even the money we can make from doing something we love.
We're conditioned to look outwards for evidence that we're fulfilling our potential.
But what if it doesn't have to be that way?
What if reaching our highest potential isn't about achieving more, becoming more successful or turning our passions into something productive? What if it's about getting to know ourselves more deeply, understanding what makes us feel alive and giving ourselves permission to explore those things, simply because they make us feel good?
If you’ve read my other 4 articles in this series, you’ll know that how easy this is depends on the first 3 base layers being met…and it’s not always as simple as it sounds; in fact, a lot can depend on your experiences in childhood.
There’s no doubt that some people have stronger foundations to stand on, a more stable base. They are given more opportunities to recognise their innate talents and highest potential, while others are busy surviving.
In education we call this the opportunity gap.
I wonder how often we consider the impact this has on a person's ability to discover who they are, beyond what they're expected to achieve.
When you're busy trying to feel safe, find belonging or simply get through the day, exploring what makes you feel truly alive can feel like a luxury.
Your highest potential isn't necessarily something you have to go searching for out there. There is already so much within you waiting to be discovered. The path to uncovering it begins by looking within.
On the K’nnekted pyramid, we call this ‘Your Spark’.
This is really about getting to know yourself underneath the protective layers you’ve built up. It is about tuning into your body. Noticing what makes you feel good, rather than simply focusing on what you're good at. Two different things!
We can be very good at things because we had to get good at them. My husband was excellent at recruitment and I was an outstanding primary school teacher, but they often left us feeling drained.
We often put so much emphasis on work, achievement and what we can offer the world that we can forget about the things that actually make us feel good.
Somewhere along the way, we can start to believe that if we're good at something, we should do something with it. Turn it into a career, build a business around it, or find a way to make money from it.
But what if we don't have to?
What if we can paint simply because we love painting? Write because we love writing? Explore a new interest without needing to become an expert or work out where it might lead?
Not everything we love needs to become something productive. Sometimes, the value is in the doing, in the joy of creating, the curiosity of exploring or the feeling of losing ourselves in something we love.
Ask yourself, what makes you feel more nourished as opposed to drained?
For my husband that was art, and for myself, well you may have guessed….I love to write.
Neither of these things needs to be justified by what we achieve through them. Their value isn't just in what we produce, but in how they make us feel.
This is where all the layers come together.
When we are regulated, we are able to function at our highest potential. But in a world of work and school where one size fits all, it is easy to quicly become dysregulated. All it takes is for you to override your needs constantly.
Something I know far too well from my days of teaching. Needing the toilet and having time to go to the toilet were two different things!
When we override our needs, we often reach the end of the day exhausted.
So, the path to self actualisation and a full cup isn’t necessarily doing more, but doing less. Being more connected to your body so you can tune into your needs and meet them, and have time in your days to choose more of the things that actually light you up.
This is beneficial for all of us, whether in workplaces, schools, communities or families. Over time, creating the conditions for people to feel nourished rather than drained can support greater fulfilment, stronger connections and healthier communication.
But here's where it gets really interesting.
When we start meeting our own needs, making time for the things we love and feeling more empowered to be ourselves, we begin to see our relationships and environments differently.
We might start questioning things we've always accepted. The expectations we've placed on ourselves. The relationships that leave us feeling drained. The environments in which we feel we have to be someone other than ourselves.
This matters because our lives don't exist in separate boxes.
Home affects work. Work affects home. School affects family life, and family life affects how children show up at school.
We're all part of a much bigger ecosystem, with each environment influencing the others. When we make changes in one place, the effects can ripple into the next.
Maybe you start by allowing yourself time to paint, write, play or simply do something you enjoy without needing it to achieve anything. You might become more present at home, more aware of your own needs at work, or more conscious of the expectations you're placing on your children.
And maybe, as a leader, teacher or parent, you begin to ask a different question:
Am I creating an environment where people can thrive as themselves, or one where they have to disconnect from themselves to fit in?
Every one of us thinks differently, operates differently and has different needs. The goal isn't simply to accept those differences, but to create spaces where they're understood, valued and actively celebrated.
And wouldn't it be wonderful if we could create those environments for children, so they never have to lose touch with their spark in the first place?
Start with you
If you're a workaholic like I was, the idea of putting some of those balls down and doing things purely for the joy of them might feel incredibly strange at first.
You might even feel guilty. You might wonder whether you're being productive enough, or whether you should be doing something more useful with your time.
I get it; we're so used to measuring our value by what we do that simply being can feel uncomfortable.
For me, this is what reconnecting with your soul is all about. Remembering who you are beneath the roles, responsibilities and expectations. Giving yourself permission to enjoy the things that make you feel alive, without needing to justify them.
When we truly begin to reconnect with ourselves, something shifts. We start to understand our needs, appreciate our differences and recognise how much our environments matter.
Self. Relationships. Environments.
It starts with you, but it doesn't end there. The way you show up influences the people around you, and the spaces you help create influence how others feel, behave and grow.
Start with yourself, and see what follows.
But be warned… when you start reconnecting with your spark, your life might not look anything like it does today.
